There is a wealth of research based strategies at the Vanderbilt University website! I am including the link here, but would also like to add a few pieces that I found interesting and useful to you. I know you are all busy and reading the documents may not always fit into your schedule.
What Can You Do When Children Refuse to Follow Instructions or Requests?
"When children are very young, they are often eager to learn simple chores and they approach the tasks with enthusiasm. Part of their joy comes from receiving your praise and attention and from the sense of accomplishment they have at being a “big boy” or “big girl.” It is important to recognize that once the child is able to do the activity independently, he might be less motivated to complete the task consistently. (Face it, how many adults take joy in making the bed?). At this point, you should remember that your praise and attention can be a powerful tool to gain your child’s cooperation. If your child is reluctant to do a chore that he is capable of completing independently, try the following:
1. Move closer to your child, get down on his level, and restate your request, stating exactly what you expect in a calm and firm tone of voice. (e.g., “Parker, pick up your books and place them on the shelf.”)
2. If your child resists or refuses, take a deep breath (so you can remain calm) and think about why the child might be refusing. After examining the situation, you might
• Tell a child who is reluctant to stop an activity, “I see you want to keep playing. You can play for 3 more minutes. I’ll time you. Then you must clean up.”
• Tell a child who is angry, “You are telling me you are angry, and you don’t want to clean up. The books need to be picked up. Once you are calm, you will need to pick them up.” Then wait until your child is calm before restating your direction.
• Tell a child who is slow to begin, “I will help you get started. I will pick up one and then you pick up one.”
• Tell a child who may not be aware of the fun activity that will come next, “When the books are on the shelf, you can take your bath with the new bubble bath that we bought today.”
• Tell a child who is seeking to have control, “You have a choice. You can put the cups or the silverware on the table. You must help set the table.”
• Tell a child who is not enthusiastic about the task, “Let’s play beat the clock! I will time you and see how fast you can finish it.”
3. As soon as your child begins cooperating with the request, provide praise or feedback. When you praise your child, describe exactly what he or she is doing. For example, “That’s great. You are picking up the books. I like how you are cleaning up.” (The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning:http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/documents/teaching_cooperate.pdf )
Teaching Your Child to Independently Complete Daily Routines
"When teaching your child
independence in self help routines
(brushing teeth, hand washing, getting
dressed/undressed), try these simple,
yet effective, tips:
1. Begin by getting down on your
child’s eye level and gaining his
attention. (i.e., touch your child
gently, make eye contact,
physically guide, or jointly look at
the same object).
2. Break down the
routine into simple steps
and state each step one at a
time with positive and clearly
stated directions. Sometimes we
make the mistake of telling
children what not to do or what
they did wrong, such as, “Stop
splashing in the water.”
However, it’s more effective and
clear to say, “All done washing,
now it’s time to turn off the
water.”
3. To clarify steps even further, you
could take a photo of each step
in the routine and post it where
the routine takes place. For
instance, with hand washing, you
could post photos above the sink.
As you state one step at a time,
show your child the photograph
to illustrate what needs to be
done.
4. When teaching your child to do
each step, model (i.e.,
demonstrate) how to do each
step. After your child begins to
learn the steps, you can take
turns showing each other “how”
to do the routine. Be prepared to
provide your child with
reminders about what to do. As a
child first learns a skill, it’s
common to forget a step and
need assistance. You can simply
model and say, “Look, do this,”
and show how to do the step that
is causing difficulty. If needed,
you can gently physically guide
your child in how to do the step
so that he/she can feel
successful."
(The Center on the Social and Emotional
Foundations for Early Learning; http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/documents/teaching_routines.pdf)
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